Grief transference

My sister is on a plane bound for Liberia as part of a mission group. I do not know what they will be doing. I don't know anything about Liberia, except for the international ship registry. People there are hungry, or needy in other ways, but I don't know what the point of this trip is. I only know I'm scared.

No, I'm not scared for my sister's safety, although maybe that would be reasonable. I am absolutely 100% selfishly scared, because she won't be around for me to text or IM or any other instant form of communication. She won't even be commenting on my blog. (There's the crux of it: 1/6 of my readership, GONE!)

i know this has to do with Dale's death. He's gone, but I've been able to correspond with a sister who knows the secrets of my heart and the minutiae of my daily life, and even some of the people in my office. She works with me, virtually, and we generally make contact sometime during the morning - either sharing a cartoon or funny news story, or whining about family/weather/health issues.

I remember when my parents died, I started wanting more emotional intimacy with Dale. Saint Elaine assured me that this was a normal and natural reaction to parents' deaths. (Dale told me to go smooch on the cat, not him ... but he said it warmly.) (Heh.)

So I'm pretty sure my fear and worry over my sister's departure has a lot more to do with Dale than it does wsith her trip to Liberia. BTW, obviously I wish her well, and hope for a valuable trip and much good for hurting people, herself included, as the healing boomerangs back around. As for me, I'm not really THAT lonesome. <strikes pose> Hell, I have another sister, for that matter! And a brother!

Nope, I'm pretty sure this is Missing Dale, Part 217a. That bond is broken, and I have to reroute all that bondage, and now one of the safest and most familiar routes is most inconveniently blocked.

... I would TOTALLY try to make friends with my kidnapper. You know, they say people in hostage situations begin to like and respect their captors, and maybe don't even want them caught and punished afterward, because they've bonded with them. Yeah, I can see that. I need that human connection. (In my self-image, I'm all "Who needs people" and stuff, cold and aloof, but pssshhh.)

Okay, I have just compared my sister's mission trip to a hostage situation. This is what emotions will do to you. <shaking it off distastefully>

Comments

[Dominik]

Kay, if someone's holding a gun to your head, say "Louisiana is the Pelican State."
(sorry, "Fletch Lives" reference)

I'm sos guilty of the same human connection/who needs people association.

I hope your sister is there for you soo-- I mean I hope your sister has a good trip.